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  • Shani Nizan

July depression, and The Manual

I was depressed all through July. New York was empty (if you don't count tourists, and I wasn't). Apparently it happens every summer, i just didn't know, but it makes a lot of sense- a lot of people are parents using that time taking a vacation with their kids, the rich people avoid the bad weather by going to a summer house in the Hamptons, realtors take a break from selling homes, interior designers have nothing to do, and fine art galleries have no reason to be open. Or something like that...

After being in Tel Aviv for a month (getting married and such) I couldn't wait to be back in New York already, work hard and develop my career plans. My expectations were extremely high so my disappointment got me terribly low.

I felt lost and bored, with zero motivation. Every little task felt impossible and even when I managed to be functional for a moment, it felt like I was holding my head above the water, fighting not to drown.

Like most of my stories lately, the positive turn of the plot began thanks to something that Eviatar sayed: "how would you have helped someone else if they were in your condition?"

So I started writing ideas. Short notes with tips that might help a certain feeling or a purpose. At some point I called this project "A manual for myself" and started fantasising about publishing it some day to help others.

But then! I wasn't depressed anymore! The manual worked so I had no need to keep writing it.

I do want to share few pages here for now

And maybe I'll resume writing it someday

Maybe next July 🤷‍♀️

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